MY MUM

I couldn’t think of what I should write about, I have been having a lot of trouble actually. I will be honest…I actually googled ideas. The ideas I discovered led me to a list of questions to ask my mother. The questions I found were great! I learnt a few things about my mother when I asked and she answered these questions. Here is a link to the questions I found: 10 Questions to Ask Your Mother Now, I changed them up a little.

Here are the questions and answers…

  1. Is there anything you would have done differently as a mum?                                                                                                                                                                                                “I would have started antidepressants earlier, for my postnatal depression.”                                                                                                                                                  Why?”Because my children suffered. They suffered from my moods, depression, anger and my lack of sleep. I would have given myself a break. I tried to do it all by myself. You need to give yourself a break both physically and mentally. Not always worry about having a tidy house (‘Tidy House Syndrome’). I also wouldn’t have had such high expectations for my young children.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
  2. Why did you choose to be with my father?                                                                                                                                                                                                                      “Because I fell in love with him. He made me laugh…still does.”                                                                                                                                                                                          
  3. In what ways do you think I’m like you? And not like you?                                                                                                                                                                                                 “You are very much like me when it comes to your daughter… in terms of caring, love and health. You are messy though, which is very unlike me. There are things that are messy and you get to them later when you get the chance…but YOU do not get to them. Ever. You also have more patience than me and tolerance. Another difference is that you have a good child, she’s easy to look after…so people keep telling you…”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         
  4. Which one of us kids did/do you like the best?                                                                                                                                                                                                                             “Well you’re my favourite ‘Lilly’ in the world…I have to say Polly is my favourite ‘Polly’ in the world…I am pretty chuffed with Joe…Maggie is just perfect…she is my favourite ‘Maggie’ in the world. But you really are.”                                                                                                                                                                                                  
  5. Is there anything you have always wanted to tell me but never have?                                                                                                                                                                               “No, there has been…in the past…but I ended up telling you.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  
  6. Do you think it’s easier or harder to be a mother now than when you were raising our family?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    “Who knows…I cannot answer that. I think every situation has its challenges. When I had my children there was a good support network. I didn’t always have my parents around but I was with friends…friends that were going through the same thing. Once I became more social with other mothers, it became easier.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               
  7. Is there anything you regret not having asked your parents?                                                                                                                                                                                            “No.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               
  8. What’s the best thing I can do for you right now?                                                                                                                                                                                                              “Sometimes I need more time to myself…a break…organise time in advance when you want me to look after Ally and I am happy to.”                                                                                                                                                                                                      Is that all?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   “Always realise that Ally is first priority. Dont beat yourself up if you dont get all of your other tasks done. Also, write down ‘Ally moments’…on paper, keep those moments forever.”                                                                                                                                                             
  9.   Is there anything that you wish had been different between us―or that you would still like to change?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         “No, not really. Sometimes I beat myself up and think I could be a better mother. I dont know how I would do it differently. I always think I want to be a good mother, making more healthy food I guess. But I dont think I would do it differently.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    
  10. When did you realise you were no longer a child?                                                                                                                                                                                                                       “I remember thinking in my mid 20’s that I lost my association with the child. I remember trying to connect with that child but she was a different person…I mourned it. I really tried hard to connect with my childhood and I think I did a little bit.” 

Now, none of this information will be interesting or valuable to anyone…especially anyone that doesn’t know my mother. She is a beautiful woman and I am so appreciative of her. She has always been there for me in every way. She has always rescued me from drowning in an oceans worth of trouble. She always talks about being a better mother but she is my idol…the best influence I could think of if anyone wants a role model to look to.

I have learned that I need to give mum some space. She deserves all the space she desires. I now know what I can do to contribute to her happiness as she does to mine.

I think that everyone should ask their mothers these questions. Or fathers for that matter. You may be surprised with what you find out, you may gain a new understanding of your parents.

Judith Newman, is the genius who came up with these questions. It may be worth reading her book…You Make Me Feel Like an Unnatural Woman: Diary of an Older Mother.

If you think that you may be suffering from Postnatal Depression, check out this link: What are the signs of postnatal depression?. It is a very common thing after having a baby and there are ways to help yourself or others.

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Here is a little picture of mum bathing Ally when she was a                                                        couple of months old…isn’t it just gorgeous?

Cheers for reading,

Lilly.

Xx

 

About The Author

lilly.nash@outlook.com.au

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